Welcome to theaspergers.com! I will be discussing the issues our family deals with on a regular basis with our son, who was diagnosed at the age of 7 & is now 16. I will also discuss some of the issues others we know face as they deal with their own issues as we see them. I hope for this to encourage you, as a parent or caregiver, to know you are not alone. I will give some recommendations of resources we have used that have been helpful. This is not meant to be an answer to all of our struggles, just one parent talking to another. I am not licensed in any way as an expert, although I am a mom & I know my child better than anyone.I hope to also give others the opportunity to share their ideas & struggles. We are all in this together.

As I look back over my son's life I see times of true joy as well as times of frustration. This is true for any parent as we all struggle to help our children grow into productive adults. We strive to teach them to be independent, but when they want independence we struggle to let go. We try to teach them to think for themselves, but when they share their opinions we tell them they can't really understand because they're too young. As a parent of an Aspie, I find it especially hard to let him grow up. He's always behaved a little younger than his age. It's hard sometimes to look at a 6' tall young man & understand why he still wants to play with costumes & plastic swords. Why does he ride his bike looking like a Spartan Warrior? Most kids his age have outgrown this type of behavior. As a parent I feel sometimes that he's setting himself up for ridicule by doing these things.
Then I stop. I look at my son. He is amazing! He's smart, handsome, kind, & pretty well-behaved. I have so very much to be thankful for. I remember when he was very young I would sing the song "Masterpiece" by Sandi Patti to him. That is how I still look at my young man. He is a "Masterpiece", handmade by the greatest Master of them all. When he was young he was so soothed by my singing to him. That's how I put him to sleep many times. He had colic as an infant, was sick often as a toddler, so he would get pretty fussy. We sat up many nights & I would sing to him. (He also had a favorite video I'll discuss another day.) I remember days when my husband would come home from work & our son would be asleep in my lap after a rough day. He doesn't want to hear me sing any more, but I can still look back, see that young little face watching & listening to his mom. My Angel Eyes. Precious memories.
Thank you Lord, for these memories. Thank you Lord, for my son. 

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Well, my son & I are at odds once again. Dealing with a teen & their hormones is enough to frustrate any parent, but add in the Asperger's issue. Not fun, that's for sure. Today the Attitude kicked in big time. It's so hard for him at times to deal with even the littlest adjustments & when his parents want him to make one.... He's not a happy camper, I'll say that. Tonight we are at odds over "rights" & "privileges". Sometimes I have to stop & think about things when he's reacting. Is it hormones or Asperger's; it's difficult to know at times. Either way, he has to learn that life is not always exactly as you want it, there has to be some flexibility. Get that message through to any child on the Autism Spectrum. Definitely not an easy task.
As a parent I believe my job is to train my children to be independent & think for themselves. This is how they will hopefully grow up to become productive adults functioning in this crazy world we live in. When our son was diagnosed, a fear set in for his future. Things are still not clear even though we have made great strides. He does very well in his courses as long as we stay on top of his assignments. We make sure he finishes them & turns them in to his teachers. When issues happen like today I wonder more than ever about his future. We are a family strong in our Faith & I know that God loves him even more than I do. God will always be there, even when I cannot. I am very thankful for that, for it does give me hope.
How do you help a child who sees things so very clearly, to see the gray? How do you help someone learn to be flexible? To understand that we live in a very privileged society, but just because we do doesn't mean we have a right to everything around us. He is not in charge of things & needs to show respect to his parents. That is a very tall order for an Aspie, but a necessary one. He needs to understand this if he's ever going to hold a job as an adult. He will have a boss to listen to & co-workers to deal with. I pray that someday he will understand why his father & I made some of the choices for him that we have made. He's a great kid & we hope to see him become a great man. 

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Recently we had an experience with a stray cat. We saw through this an interesting moment of growth in our son. Last Saturday both boys had dentist appointments at 8am. So, around 7:25 we were rushing out the door to make the 25 minute drive when I noticed on the windshield of the van in the garage little footprints. We figured out there must be a cat in the garage, but didn't have time to look right then. So, we decided we would look after we got back home from the dentist.
When we did get home a couple of hours later, the search began. The cat was "meowing", so we knew it was there somewhere. After about 10 minutes in a very cold garage, we found it up in the rafters at the back of the garage. It was in a spot where it couldn't be reached, so we had to figure out what to do next. All 4 of us were out there trying to coax this cat down. It wasn't working. So, we told the kids to go into the house. Angel Eyes listened, our younger son did not. Before he went into the house though, he made sure to ask what we were going to do when we got the cat down. "You're not going to just let it go, are you?" It was pretty cold out, so we did not want to let it go if we could help it. I told him pretty much just that. So, into the house he went. And the coaxing of the cat continued. I brought out a bowl of milk & some food to see if it was hungry. No. After about another cold 10 minutes or so it finally came out of the corner. We got it to go onto the beams where my husband thought he'd be able to get ahold of it. No such luck. It headed onto the boards we have above the beams & moved out of reach.We finally got our other son to head inside so we could deal with this without added distractions. A bit after that it moved onto the open garage door & walked all the way up to the front. I think it thought it would walk right out that way, but there wasn't enough room for it to climb through. It took some more coaxing to get it to go to the back of the door again where my husband was finally able to get ahold of it! We tried again to give it some milk, but it wasn't hungry. We could tell this had been a pet; it's fur was beautiful & shiny, very friendly, not one hiss at any of us. We brought it into the house where we all got to pet & hold it. It did not want to be inside, though. He kept finding his way to the entryway of the house & crying to go outside. We had put the dog outside before we brought the cat in, but had to bring him in out of the cold. Not a good moment for the cat. It really wanted out then! Our cute little dog learned about a cat's anger. After that he just stood back & barked at the cat.
We put the dog in his kennel & tried to figure out what we were going to do. None of the shelters around here will take cats & this one was way too healthy to take a chance it would be put down. I made a call to a good friend of mine who is a big time cat lover. I asked her what she thought about us letting it go since that's what it seemed to want, hoping it would find it's way home again. She reassured us we were making an ok decision & the cat would likely find it's way home. That maybe it's a cat that the owner's let in & out regularly. We had a cat like that when I was growing up.
So, we opened the door & out the cat went. It took off across the street into the neighbor's yard, then kept going. We haven't seen it since, so I hope it's ok. Once we let the cat go, our son looked at us & asked if we were going to have to clean the entire house now. You see, my sister is highly allergic to cats & cannot be anywhere near cat hair for even a couple of minutes. Our boy knows this & was worried about his aunt. Totally surprised us all! He showed genuine concern for not just the cat, but for his aunt! What a moment! I had to call his aunt & tell her. She was really touched as she knows how big a step this really is for our Aspie kid. What may seem so small to someone else is major to an Aspie. It's like when they say their 1st word or take a 1st step. Thank you Lord for these moments!! 

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Oftentimes as a parent I find it difficult to understand why my son thinks the way he does. Then I have to remind myself he doesn't understand my way of thinking either. Sometimes an Aspie is so logical in their thinking it can drive us gray area people crazy! Sometimes you just have to stop & smile when their concept is not quite what it should be, but it totally fits in their way of thinking. Some of the Aspie's I know have absolutely no concept of money; and this would include my son. We were talking about the movie ticket prices one day & why I don't like to go see too many movies at the theatre anymore. I attempted to explain to him the amount of time it takes me to earn enough to pay for one ticket. He just didn't get it. "So?" He didn't understand that it takes more than an hour's pay to pay for just one ticket, not including popcorn & pop. That we need to be careful how we spend our money so we can pay our bills, have our home, food & all the things we enjoy. That connection just isn't there at this point. I hope someday it will be. I also know of another young Aspie in the area who struggles with this concept. For his birthday he told his parents he either wanted to take his friends to an exotic destination in another country, or just have a pizza party with his name spelled out with the toppings. In his mind there was no difference in the expense. Actually, I thought the pizza thing was a cool idea. He did realize his friends would have to pay for their own airline tickets, but the hotel would be provided. I love the way they think sometimes! If only things were this simple & in their minds they are. Although understanding money issues is important, but sometimes we make things more complicated than they need to be. Maybe we can't give our kids a trip to an exotic destination with their friends, but maybe we can do a night at an area hotel where there's an activity nearby they would enjoy. Amusement park, museum, zoo, etc. We love the National Parks & can usually afford the ones within driving distance. We're near the National Lakeshore & only about 7 hours from Mammoth Cave. In Central Indiana there's Turkey Run State Park with it's beautiful trails; east there is Pokhagon State Park, which has a great toboggan run! There is much to do all over this beautiful country & hopefully we can give them experiences they will remember forever! Maybe too, through all this they will learn you don't have to spend a lot to have a great time!

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When our son was young, we had a dog. A mini-schnauzer named Sox.  She was a great dog! But she was an older dog & we had to put her down while our son was still pretty young. We went several years without a dog. I had wanted one, but the timing just wasn't right. Finally last winter we got another mini-schnauzer. His name is Frodo. He's the 1st puppy we've ever had, usually our dogs were adults by the time we would inherit them. We got this one from someone in the area who had bred their dog with a friend's schnauzer. They were both black schnauzer's, so ours is black too. I've always thought that kids should have a dog, especially kids with challenges. I think it's a great idea for those with Autistic kids. Animals are very loving & accepting. Dogs are very social & love unconditionally, which is a great example for our son! I wasn't sure how he & Frodo would get along, but they are real buds! Angel Eyes will follow Frodo around & get him growling at him. They play tug of war. Frodo usually gets some snacks while lunch is being packed or, like today, when Angel Eyes was eating some grapes Frodo looked up at him with those pitiful little eyes & the boy caved! Right now Frodo is being lifted off the floor by his tug of war sock. (4 socks tied together) It's so fun to watch them together! Every time our son walks out the door, Frodo is watching out the window. If he goes bike riding down the street Frodo has to go out into the backyard & run the fence barking at him. It is so wonderful to see this relationship! Angel Eyes laughs & plays; it's just great! I really think this has been one of the best things for him.

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